Rambling thoughts

“My heart is restless until it rests in Thee.”

That is the word of St. Augustine (354-430 AD) after living a life of debauchery, a life where the whole world is in his disposal: money, sex, and power.
As I am sitting here, eating my chili from Babcock dairy store, I realize that every day, there are people dying in the street of Indonesia. In contrast: I, as an international student, am spending ~80 dollars a day to get my education here. That ~80 dollar could be easily used to feed a village full of hungry people in the village back home. If I go to Sentry, they say that “it takes a dollar to feed 7 people” in certain part of the world, which I see and experience whenever I go home to Indonesia. Here I am, spending that much money every day, walking to class, walking to the library, in a cold and windy day of this city, and feeling safe to walk, a feeling that some people might not have. And is it worthed to spend that much money for my education? I said to myself, keep asking questions in your heart! Keep that curiosity in mind! But more importantly, seek that truth. Seek that truth that shall set you free. And that’s what the bible tells us.
And what did I find in all these years of college? “My heart is restless until it rests in Thee.” Says St. Augustine. It takes him, a concubine, countless sexual promiscuity, countless debates with the philosopher, 30 years of prayer from his mom (St. Monica), and a person of faith such as St. Ambrose of Milan that would led to his conversion when he hears the word, “Tolle, lege” meaning, “take up, and read” in the garden of Milan where he opened the bible randomly and read, “Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying.” (Romans 13:13)
Why is it that our heart is restless and it can only be satisfied by that “Thee”? It is because there is a God sized hole in our heart. That hole wants to be satisfied by a person, not by doctrines or dogmas. It is in that person that we can find the peace of heart and mind. It is He, that knocks on the door of your heart, that wants you to open that dark and not so clean part of your heart to set you free. Why? Because it is in Him that you may find the truth.
And so, here I am, sitting in front of a computer. Really really not wanting to study and do my exam on Thursday. But, here God is. Saying, “Your heart will always be restless Atun, until you rest it in Me.” Knowing that I have that kind of God, wanting me to lean more and deeply dwell in that presence of God. And I think the best sacrifice that I can give to our Lord is this, to study as well as I should, to give my best, as a holy and living sacrifice for Him. So, is that 80 dollar spent each day here living in this city worth it? It is worth it, if I set my eyes to the Lord, to do my best in all that I do, to be holy as He is holy, to be compassionate, as He is compassionate, to fulfill my duty as a student, which is to study, and put that study as a means to prayer. In that, I will sanctify my work. My question is, will you as well?