A prayer/thoughts/anecdote

When times are just not good...
please be in my side Lord
I know I've gone far away from You.
Take my will, and let me do Your will.
How far can I go?
Your hands, Your eyes, Your very presence are there in my heart...
Asking me, "Can I go into that other room?
That room that is dark and not clean at all?
Will you trust Me enough to let Me see that dark places in your heart?"
Lord, it is tough.
I always wanted to let you see the more beautiful side of my heart,
I mean, why don't we just go to that side, where everything is bright and shiny?
Then He paused, "But no, I want to see that one.
I didn't come to save someone who is clean,
I come for the sick, and I know that you are not healthy."
Yes, here I am... trying to decide whether I would let Him in or not.
It is tough.
But yeah... You know better than I do.
You know me much better than anyone else,
Why would I worried?
Because I wanted to look good.
Because I wanted to impose as a saint in front of someone that I honor,
instead of realizing that I am just a sinner, that needs a savior.
A savior no other than Jesus.
That looks at me in the eyes.
That look of love.
The greatest love ever.
"So... will you let Me in?"
Lord... not my will... but Your will be done.
Let me model your mom Lord, that says yes to your will.
Yes.
You can get in. Take a look at that dark side of my heart.
Please do. Please shine that "little" light of Yours,
into my darkest thought,
into my darkest memory,
into my darkest past,
into my darkest concerns,
into my darkest me.
And as You go in... let me grow,
in holiness.
in humility.
in love.
through out my day,
through out my hours,
through out my seconds,
through out every single moment of my daily lives.
Be the Lord of all that is in me.