On to the new hope

It has almost been 3 weeks since I updated this blog!

First off, the history has been made, the United States of America elected its first African American as their president. Grant park that night was the place to be for all of Obama's supporter. People crying, chanting "Yes, we can!", euphoria everywhere. It is like a prophecy come true, a glorious historic moment that may well be remembered century afterwards. Looking into some of the pictures all around the world (including Indonesia!), it seems that everybody has embraced the victory of the president elect, Barack Hussein Obama.

I bit my tongue quite hard, during the last two weeks of the election, knowing that I would be pretty bias and "unstable" in terms of writing and updating this blog. So, I will just write my opinion in one paragraph:

I am bittersweet for seeing Obama as the president elect of the US. To quote Rebecca Teti in "Faith & Family", "It’s bittersweet in the extreme, however, that the man who embodies the triumph of our founding principle “all men are created equal” with respect to black persons should be so unwilling to extend to the unborn the same right to be included in the family of men."

Alas, we move on. On to the new hope.

I was writing to my high school mailing list, about Obama's stance on abortion and how extreme his stances are. My friend replied back, in quotation, "gw pribadi sih gak setuju aborsi dgn alesan apapun, tapi tetep aja
biar ada undang2 yg ngelarang aborsi pasti tetep banyak kasus aborsi,
daripada pusingin undang2nya, mending dididik tuh anak2 amrik biar gak
asal buat anak trus dimatiin hahaha..."

For my "non-Indonesian" speaking friends, here's the translation, "I personally did not agree with abortion with whatever reason, yet even though the law prohibits abortion, the case of abortion will still persist, so instead of muddling with the law, it is far better to educate the American kids to not just create human and kill them..."

I have been thinking about that statement for quite a while. I grew up in a nation where abortion is prohibited. Yet, as far back as 1986, one of my mom's doctor consulted that I should get aborted.

Just to think about it, back then, the society in Indonesia has a high moral values. We were a country with high decency, a romantic idea that every human being was able to achieve a good moral decency. Following the societal values, being respectful, and being religious are the norms back then.

On the other hands, there were so many things that was being repressed. Political opposition means death or imprisonment. Racial discrimination by banning Chinese character and Chinese culture in public. It was an imperfect nation, indeed. Still, it is a country where I proudly call my "mother land".

Fast forward, I remembered as early as kelas 2 ato 3 SMP (equivalent to 8th or 9th grade) that I researched the evil of abortion. I still remembered that during one of our class (I don't remember which one though) 2 groups presented with convictions that abortion is a morally evil action. We talked about it fairly freely for almost about everybody believe that abortion is wrong. It has been ingrained in our values. One caveat though, I noted that I wrote that "the first trimester" was still a gray area back at that 8th or 9th grade.

Now I believe that a human being is conceived at the moment of conception.

I still remembered when one of my older brother mentioned about me going to get aborted. He mentioned it lightly, "Yeah, one of the doctor propose to mom that you should be aborted." And of course he shared the opposition that my siblings and my dad had about that thought of me being aborted.

What was my reaction? I was shocked. I was quite rebellious back during my puberty time period. That includes: yelling and screaming to my parents, not eating or drinking just for a silly thing that my mom did for about 3 days straight, etc etc...

I didn't know the cause of it though. As I reflected more and more, I realized that it was because I felt rejected by my mom. My teenager thought was, "You first mom that needs to change, for you rejected me in my womb."

Time passed by and I matured. I realized that nothing will ever change in the norms of my family, if I did not initiate it first. It's not "you first," it's "I first." I took a hard look at myself and I decided to forgive my mom.

The change didn't come instantly. It came with time. I became closer to my mom and dad. My mom considered to become a catholic, even though in the end my dad wouldn't allow her to do so. My dad for once, was able to care for me, to actually show his emotion for me. I thought that was transforming, for he is a tough and somebody who won't show his emotion to people.

The best event that I had to experience was when I came home a couple of months ago. Unlike other times when I went home, I decided to be a full time stay at home son. During one of the night, my mom told me the story when I was conceived. She told me, it was during a hard time in the family. My mom and dad were hardly able to support the four kids that they had already. In fact the youngest son then was nurtured by my dad's grandparent, for they can't give all the love that they wanted to give.

My mom was afraid when I was in her womb. "How?" was the question. She weighed in all the possibilities and one of them was abortion. Yet, my dad said that everything will be alright. Every time doubt came to her mind, my dad assured her again and again. The decision to have me was a tough one. Then she said, "So you came into our life. Somehow, things get better. The business grew. Now you've graduated from the states and have a job. I thank God for all of this."

A lot still needs to be done. My family is far from perfect. Problems come and go. Yet I know that there is a hope. For every trials, for every setbacks that our family face, God gave the grace to overcome it.

And for that, I am grateful to be here. I realized that I am alive, because my mom chose to. The journey ain't over yet, there is still years and years to come, and I am far from perfect. For that, I hold the hope that God will use me as He pleases to do so, as long as He wants me to be here, as far as He wants me to be, and as deep as I want myself to be open to Him.

All glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit,
As it was in the beginning, is now, and will be, forever. Amen.