Remained

"Mary remained with her about three months and then returned to her home." Luke 1:56

This past weekend, I had a chance to go to Chicago, visiting a good friend of mine. One of the things that we did was going to a prayer meeting near his place. One of the activities that they did was a kind of lectio divina where they read the Sunday gospel reading. The word that I chose? Remained.

Why?

The context of this story was the fact that Mary came right away to Elizabeth after her annunciation from Gabriel that he was to bore a son. In my imagination, she was not feeling so hot that time period, since the first trimester usually are the roughest. The expectant mother would usually felt crabby, not having enough energy, vomiting, etc etc. Yet she went to see her relative, Elizabeth and remained there for this first trimester period anyway.

The reason is simple. I want to be able to remain in this state of life and see it as a foundation towards my future career in life. Doing a doctorate is not playing around, it is a serious business. Will it be a joyful occasion? Not necessarily, but I want it to be a fruitful one.

The reality?

It is hard to remain committed. As I start flipping around my book for one of my mandatory course, it dawned on me that I have not really used math for more than a year. As I went and visit Chicago, I know that I'd rather live in a bigger city than the city where I'm at. Not as big as Chicago though. There are so many what-ifs scenario that I can run in my head and it all said that this decision that I made is not really the best one I took. But deep down, I know that this is the right choice.

Resolution?

I would like to remain in this state. If courses are harder, I would work harder. If life gives me lemon, I will make a lemonade.

Conclusion

I prayed about my decision back in the beginning of the year. One of the things that I found out is that I had this desire to remain here in the States, even though I know that would mean more school for myself. Something that I would have ever imagined in my wildest dream while I was a freshman. But I can see the benefits that I had had during my stay. I got to read more than 13 books during the summer. I got to do prison ministry and get to know the people over there. I got to lead an exciting college group fellowship and had a wonderful discussion with them regarding spiritual life in general.

And now? I will be able to contribute to the greater world of science. And for who? It really is for the greater glory of God. Ad Maiorem Dei Gloriam. Our Lady of the Lake (Notre Dame du Lac), pray for us!