Will I miss this place?

My car has had some transmission related problem for the past couple of weeks. So I took it to the shop this Friday. I dropped the car off and had a car ride to campus since it would take a while for them to look for the main problem. The driver was so happy that he would take me to my campus that when he asked me, "Where are you going this morning Sir?" and I replied, "Notre Dame," he replied back saying, "Thank you."

He then proceed by professing his love of this university. We chatted about our football program, the beauty of the university, etc. As I stepped off of the car and onto my lab, I started thinking, "will I miss this place?"

I will. I will miss:

• Seeing the combination of logos and the statue of Jesus on top of it, and sapientia with the statue of Mary every morning as I walked on both sides across the Law building arch. 
• Going to the 8:00 AM daily mass at the Stinson-Remick Chapel. Almost about every day, I have to run to the chapel, since I am usually late to mass. As much as I hated to do that, I still end up waking up a bit late, most of the day. 
• The Grotto of our Lady of Lourdes. I've prayed countless prayers there. Lit more candles than I wanted to admit. Touched the stone that was brought from Lourdes every time I was there.
  It is a source of hope. That amidst all its uncertainty, God is still here. We still have Mary that will intercede for my prayer. That God knows that His will is the best. In every single circumstances that I have to encounter. I just can't see it, yet. 
• Saturday with the saints on every home game football. Ever since its conception, I have been to most of the series lecture. It's always a delight to hear the professors of Theology at ND speaks about different saints. It brings hope too, to see many people attend the lecture each time. 
• Vespers at the basilica. It is a nice ending to the weekend. To be able to sing the psalms and catch up with the regulars who go to the vespers. 
• My lab. Where I spend most of my life nowadays. It is one spanking new lab in the dilapidated engineering hall. 

But most of all, its catholic culture. I haven't seen an area that is as catholic as this area. I hope that once I am done with my study, I can bring lessons learned from this place and put it in good use, wherever God wants me to be. As for now: I'll stay put. Use me Lord. I am Yours. 

A tribute to our beloved priest

“The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.” William Arthur Ward

Our beloved Fr. Victor has passed away. I didn't know him all too well. I see him as a priest during mass and confession while I was in college. I read his book. He autographed it and wrote, "set the world on fire!" I visited him when he was in the assisted-living community once. Most of the stories about him, I heard from my buddy who interacts with him and knows him in a more personal level.  So, I don't have the credentials in saying much about who he is as a whole. But what I do know through my little interactions with him sticks in my heart deeply.

In my capacity as a penitent sinner in the confession room, he acted as a loving Father forgiving my sins. Most times I was there, he would ask me, "do you know the memorare?" and I would always say, "I can learn father." but he then replied, "oh it's ok, say x number of hail mary then." After he gave his absolution for my sins, he would say with his whole heart, "and please pray for me." It always bugged me that I never knew nor wanted to learn the memorare prayer while I was in college. Later in life, I would remember it dearly, and say the prayer, while remembering him and this incident at the confession room.

Whenever he would say mass, he would say it reverently. He paused and savored each sentences of the  eucharistic prayers. His most memorable homily for me, which he would use more than once, is the story of a just man. He would say (I'm paraphrasing), "You see, in the bible, only a few people were called 'the just man'. It is a title of honor to be called 'the just man'. Abraham and David were among them. But the proverbs say, 'For though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again.' They fell! Even the just man fell seven times! So, when you sin, don't give up. Rise again..." Whenever I sinned, I would remember this homily, went to confession, and try again.

The most personal encounter that I had with him was when I had a chance to visit him last year during the 4th of July weekend. This buddy of mine already had an appointment and asked me whether I would come with him or not. I said yes. By that time Father was weak. Really weak. But he was still in a good spirit. He joked around saying to us, "Do you want to see my acrobatic move?" He was talking about the way he went from his bed to his wheel chair and how he did it in such a way that it looked acrobatic. His sense of humor taught me: all that we can do is to make the best of each situation that we are faced in.

He then asked me what I'm doing. He made comments about Notre Dame and its catholic identity, in the light of Obama's speech and honorary degree back in 2009. It was for me a daily reminder that there is much to be done in my capacity as a student to keep my own identity as an intentional catholic and the institution that I am serving right now.

We then sat down and he told the story on how this sickness all started. There were misdiagnosis, and it was a lot of suffering on his part. But what most struck me was his first couple of sentences. He said, "I used to start my day at 5 in the morning. I would then walk for an hour..." When I heard this, I knew that it's embarrassing to admit at that time to him, that I was weak physically compared to him who's twice my age before the sickness hit him hard! He really inspired me to exercise and to keep my health in check.

After the conversation, it was time for lunch. He said that he wanted pizza and beers for lunch. So we bought a large pizza and a pack of beer for all of us to enjoy. Then he gave us his final blessings. It touched my heart deeply on how he did it: simple, but really intentional. It saddens me that he is gone from this earth. But, we all know that he will be there in heaven, being our intercessor for us in God's throne of mercy. And for that, I am forever grateful for him.

"Eternal rest grant unto them O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. May they rest in peace. Amen"

Theology on Tap talk

Here's the talk that I mentioned in my previous post: dying to live, a theology on immigration. Hope you'll enjoy it!

On Immigration

We just had our Theology on Tap. The topic was immigration. There is just so much to digest and so many good insights on this. Will definitely post the link to it, once it's up online. We were presented with some good food for thought. Does immigration impact the US economy? In reality it's a zero sum, even though the pro and anti immigration would say otherwise. Does immigration impact the US culture? Would we primarily be an eating tortilla nation by the next generation? Who are the people coming in? There are two different spectrums: the very highly skilled labors and the hard working, but very unskilled labor. Who are they? Some were surprised by the term "alien" that the US government used for non-immigrant individuals. Where does the church stand on this issue? That immigrants are human beings. Why are they immigrating? The statistics are: that 20% of the world's population lives on less than $1 per day. The economy sometimes is what drives them to move. More often now, it's the political upheaval in the country, where it forces them to leave their own country.

What are my thoughts on this? Being a non-immigrant myself here in the States, it's refreshing to hear the theologians talk about the issue of immigration.

First: The term alien really disturbs me. It's demeaning. We are not really alien, are we? We are a person, a human being, who happens to be studying here in the US. Or working. I think it's a challenge to the linguist, to come up with a better terms than "alien" to describe a non-immigrant person.

Second: We are all pilgrims. Unless we are native americans, none of us are native to the american land. We should treat people who come to the country with dignity and respect. The priest once said somewhere along the line: the journey of salvation is 18 inches wide. It's the journey from the head to the heart. Or to put it in his thought process: from the head, to the heart, back to the head again.

Thirdly: Did Christ cross the Egyptian border illegally? Who knows. But let's step even further, when God cross the border between divinity and humanity. Christ came out from Mary's womb who's betrothed to Joseph. But the child was conceived by the holy spirit, breaking Jewish law. Does that make Christ an illegal immigrant himself? Would you look at the face of those who might be an illegal immigrant the same way after knowing this fact?

Solemnity of the Nativity of St. John the Baptist - 15 years of being a catholic

Happy Solemnity of the Nativity of St. John the Baptist!

In the beginning of this year I used the Saint's Name Generator so that I have one patron saint that I can pray to this upcoming year. St. John the Baptist was my patron saint this year. It's special because only after a couple of weeks did I realize that I was baptized one day before this feast day. I also realized only recently that since I was baptized in the evening, technically, I was baptized on the vigil of this feast day! So, I get it Lord, you want me to reflect back and remind myself why did I want to get baptized in the first place.

It was a tumultuous time that year. My grandpa passed away. I started questioning why am I here in the first place? Will I get to see him again when I die? This all came from my own pride. I was insulted when my grandpa said that I ate like a tiger (I happened to be born in the year of the tiger according to the Chinese horoscope). Little did I know that his health would deteriorate... and ended in him passing away from this world. I felt terrible. I didn't get to see him during his hospitalization. I didn't get to say sorry for being offended by what he said. I knew that he's just joking about it, and it was really my pride that resulted in me not wanting to see my grandpa even in his last moment of his life.

But truly, I was feeling insecure at that tender age in life. I have always been a chubby little guy. It didn't help that there is this one very popular TV series who happened to have this one female character with a super chubby figure with the same name as mine. I was teased a lot in school around that time period and I felt more and more insecure. When my grandpa teased me on my eating habit (ipso facto my chubby-ness), it hit on the very core of my insecurities.

I should contrast that to my general feeling about the catholic church. Since my kindergarten era, my parents (who are not catholic) wanted me to be educated in a catholic school. They believe in the catholic education. The discipline, the moral compass, and the charity that the catholic church promote are some of the characteristics that they view to be good and important to have for their kids.

Truly there are more than the fact that I become catholic because I grew up in a catholic school environment. I did my naive research of different world religion at that young age of 10 years old. I see beauty in each of the major religion in the world. I even find the discipline of praying 5 times a day that Islam taught to be a good practice in reorienting ourselves to God. Yet human interactions with the flaws of its practitioner and intolerant view of religion outside of itself deter me from Islam. Alas, the human interaction was also one of the big deciding factor as to why I decide to become a Catholic.

Nothing exemplifies the catholic church more than its priest. One stood out in particular: Fr. Blessing, OSC. One dutch missionaries who chose to leave his homeland to come and serve in my own hometown. I had a dream once that he sat right next to me during one of his visit to promote pastoral work in our school. I was honored and I felt loved, a love that I have never felt before. I see him exuding this joy and peace that I have never felt from anyone else before. I want that joy and peace. So I decided to become catholic.

After taking that first step of finally deciding the faith system that I wanted to believe in, I finally went through the RCIA. I didn't really recall anything in particular that stood out during this process. Only that it was a joyful experience. It felt like that joy that I've always wanted will finally come to its realization.

So we came to the story of my baptismal patron saint. During that time period, I got this book called the lives of the saints. It provides different saints short biography from a to z. I was charmed by stories of their lives and their heroic virtues. During those months of RCIA, I would devour this book like a little kid in a candy store. Each stories bring in different facet of virtuous lives that I would want to emulate. Since I had always been fascinated by legends and fairy tales, reading stories upon stories of real people trying to live out their christian lives are very encouraging. One story struck my fancy, it's the story of St. Adrian and Natalia of Nicomedia.

Here's the story from catholic.org:

According to legend Adrian was a pagan officer at the imperial court of Nicomedia. Impressed by the courage of a group of Christians who were being tortured, he declared himself a Christian and was imprisoned with them and suffered excruciating tortures before he was put to death. His young wife, Natalia, who was present at his death, comforted him in his agony, recovered one of his severed hands, and took it to Argyropolis near Constantinople, where she fled to escape the importunities of an imperial official of Nicomedia who wanted to marry her. She died there peacefully on December 1. Adrian is the patron of soldiers and butchers.

There are a couple of things that I like about him. First, his name is not very well known. At that time, I felt that a big saint as my baptismal patron saint is like putting too lofty of a burden to my mustard-seed-like faith. I wanted to have one small saint to pray for my life as a christian.

Secondly, he is a convert. Going through the list of saints, I didn't see many converts on the list of the saints. He caught my eye because he was "impressed by the courage of a group of Christians who were being tortured...". That is similar to my own conversion. That I was impressed by the lives of Catholics living their life, in particular my priest in my parish.

Thirdly is because of the name Natalia. At that time, I had this infatuation with a girl a couple years older than me by the name of Natalia. I know it sounded superficial, but it really was this piece of the story that sealed my decision to choose Adrian as my baptismal patron saint. Thank God that grace builds on nature. He saw this naïveté and used it for me to grow in my faith life as a catholic christian.

Fast forward 15 years later. Here I am, year 2012. I spent my time yesterday by accompanying two friends of mine in learning how to drive. I spent a couple of hours volunteering for habitat for humanity. I spent a moment in front of the blessed sacrament to reflect on my state in life at this point in time. Lastly a couple of us went and had dinner along with watching the newest pixar movie, Brave. It was a nice movie on a mother-daughter relationship and in general how family dynamics operate through the imperfections of our own character. Small family dispute is what triggers my process of conversion to the Catholic church. I wish that one day all the discords in my family can be mended through His grace and through my daily prayer for my family as well. As one quote says, "conversion begins, but never ends." O Sacred Heart of Jesus, may my family and I be converted to be more like you every day!

Happy Father's day - Sacred Heart of Jesus

Happy Father's day!

What a divine coincidence that this year's Father's day fall right after the solemnity of The Most Sacred Heart of Jesus (Friday, 6/15) and the memorial of The Immaculate Heart of Mary (Saturday, 6/16)! It is as if God were saying to all Catholic Fathers out there this year, "learn from My Sacred Heart and Mary's Immaculate Heart". Here is one of my favorite prayer, the Morning Offering, that includes both devotion to The Sacred Heart of Jesus and The Immaculate Heart of Mary prayer:

O Jesus,
through the Immaculate Heart of Mary,
I offer You my prayers, works,
joys and sufferings
of this day for all the intentions
of Your Sacred Heart,
in union with the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass
throughout the world,
in reparation for my sins,
for the intentions of all my relatives and friends,
and in particular
for the intentions of the Holy Father.
Amen.

Offering to God, our prayers, works, joys, and sufferings each and every day. That is what St. Paul asks of us in Romans 12:1-2:

I urge you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, your spiritual worship. Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect.  (emphasis mine)

Lastly, I stumbled upon this salutation to The Sacred Heart of Jesus by St. Margaret Mary Alacoque from my iPieta apps a week ago and this particular prayer has resonated and deepened my devotion to The Most Sacred Heart of Jesus. Here it is in its complete form:

Hail, Heart of Jesus, save me!
Hail, Heart of my Creator, perfect me!
Hail, Heart of my Saviour, deliver me!
Hail, Heart of my Judge, grant me pardon!
Hail, Heart of my Father, govern me!
Hail, Heart of my Spouse, grant me love!
Hail, Heart of my Master, teach me!
Hail, Heart of my King, be my crown!
Hail, Heart of my Benefactor, enrich me!
Hail, Heart of my Shepherd, guard me!
Hail, Heart of my Friend, comfort me!
Hail, Heart of my Brother, stay with me!
Hail, Heart of the Child Jesus, draw me to Thyself!
Hail, Heart of Jesus dying on the Cross, redeem me!
Hail, Heart of Jesus in all Thy states, give Thyself to me!
Hail, Heart of incomparable goodness, have mercy on me!
Hail, Heart of splendor, shine within me!
Hail, most loving Heart, inflame me!
Hail, most merciful Heart, work within me!
Hail, most humble Heart, dwell within me!
Hail, most patient Heart, support me!
Hail, most faithful Heart, be my reward!
Hail, most admirable and most worthy Heart, bless me!

One way to meditate on these salutations is to go through each line and think of the state that would want me to pray this particular line. Example: "Hail, Heart of my Creator, perfect me!" Who am I? I am a created being, formed by God Himself. I am an imperfect man. In need of His grace and mercy to perfect me. "Hail, Heart of my Saviour, deliver me!" I am a human being that needs a saviour. I can't stand on my own. I need a God who will deliver me from the eternal hell of damnation. From temptation. From lukewarmness. Deliver me Jesus. So on and so forth. The meditation that comes from this salutation has definitely helped me to grow more in my prayer life. I hope it'll make yours grow too

Enjoy and have a blessed day!

Ascension Sunday and Graduation weekend

83 days after lent begun this year, we arrived at Ascension Sunday. Christ ascended to heaven today. He is finally gone to His Father. Fret not, the Holy Spirit will come during Pentecost. For now: keep on praying the first novena that the apostles did.

There is a parallel: the story of the disciples and graduation. Today, the undergrads that I've TA-ed for the past three semesters finally graduated. Some will go to industry, some will go to grad school. It's been a blessing for me to see them grow and come to this threshold of their college life. They'll become the next generation of engineers which will bring the common good that has been implanted in their heart here elsewhere. But for now: it's celebration time.

As for my personal life: I can see the parallelism too. It's been quite a ride so far. There are countless nights when I shout to God and ask the fundamental question: why Lord? Through all that happened this semester, I was able to share the misery that I had with one of my good friend even though we're halfway across the world. I learned that I am far from perfect. I learned that pruning occurs not only during lent, but also during easter (remember the gospel reading on the 5th Sunday of Easter?). The Lord invites us to grow, regardless of the season. He wants the very best of us. He wants our happiness. The past has gone before us. The future has not yet come. There is only the present moment. Let us begin.

Easter 2012

Then the Lord answered Job out of the storm and said: Who is this who darkens counsel with words of ignorance? Gird up your loins now, like a man;  I will question you, and you tell me the answers! Where were you when I founded the earth?  Tell me, if you have understanding...

Then Job answered the LORD and said: By hearsay I had heard of you, but now my eye has seen you. Therefore I disown what I have said, and repent in dust and ashes.

Divine Mercy Sunday always has a special place in my heart. Back when I was in SC, I accompanied the special service that my parish put in place to commemorate this beautiful feast instituted by Pope JP the great. We first watched a movie retelling the story of St. Maria Faustina then everyone would go to our church to pray the divine mercy chaplet together.  I would play my guitar and the lead singer would sing the divine mercy prayer, alternating between English and Vietnamese. Trusting in Jesus has always been something that's easier said than done in my own life, so I hold on to this image of "Jesus, I trust in You" dearly in my heart.

As far as my own struggle, they are still there. But my perspective in itself has changed. I was drawn to reread this beautiful book by Fr. (soon to be servant of God) Walter Ciszek, SJ called He Leadeth Me. In the first chapter of this book, he recalled the story on how the Russian had finally infiltrated Albertyn, Poland where he was stationed at that time. He said, "Again and again, as I watched all this happen, I had to force myself not to think of the question that kept returning unbidden to mind: 'Why has God allowed this evil to happen?' Why persecutions?... The perplexity and pain grew within me as I saw the visible Church, once strong and organized, dissolve under the attacks of these invaders and watched the people grow estranged, pressured ceaselessly into accepting this new order."

A couple paragraphs later, he would then say,

Yet, from our vantage point in history, we know it was really quite the opposite. Israel's troubles were in truth a manifestation of Yahweh's special providence, his special love for his chosen people. Like a fond and loving father, he was trying to wean them away from trust in kings or princes or in armies or the powers of this world. He was trying to teach them, again and again, that their faith must only be in him alone. He was leading them, through every trial and in every age, to the realization that God alone is faithful in all tribulations, that he alone is constant in his love and must be clung to, even when it seems all else has been turned upside down. Yahweh is still the Lord behind the events and happenings of this world; he can be found there and he must be sought in them, so that his will may be done. It was he who had chosen them, not they him. 

It was the Lord who had chosen me, not me him. It was Christ who put me here, to be born into my family, to be studying here under my current advisor, and to cross path with all these friends that I have had over the years. When all was taken from me, I was again reminded that my faith must only be in God alone, and not in my research, nor my relationship.

Another book that I finished reading is Dawn Eden's The Thrill of the Chaste: Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your Clothes On. I know that this is written to a sexually active women in their 20s and 30s, in which I am not, but there are threads of commonality as I struggle through in being a single committed catholic trying to find his future spouse. One of the most riveting story from this book was when she met this religious sister, Sister Gerry, who's blind and yet 'her eyes sparkle in a way that I've never witnessed in a blind person,' she said. When asked what's different about her, she said that, "Either she could believe her life was over, she explained - or she could say yes to blindness, and trust in what God had in store for her." She then went on and said, "Looking at Sister Gerry - seeing her deep brown eyes with their improbable sparkle - I couldn't doubt that she had made the right choice. She had given so much to the world - and still had so much to give. Her existence alone was a gift."

So, in the end, "Jesus, I trust in you." I chose to say yes to my state of life right now and trust in what God has in store for me. Make me a channel of Your grace Lord, in this life of mine, so that all will see that it's not me who shines, but it's You who shines through me. Amen.

Lent 2012

Hope you all have a blessed good friday!

Here is my reflection as I culminate my lenten journey this year.

The satan answered the LORD and said, “Is it for nothing that Job is God-fearing?  Have you not surrounded him and his family and all that he has with your protection? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his livestock are spread over the land. But now put forth your hand and touch all that he has, and surely he will curse you to your face.” Job 1 : 9-11

This lent has been a particularly challenging one for me. I was forced to grow in so many different directions by our Lord. It started with my personal relationship crumbling in front of me. In the mean time, my family was being rocked hard by problems that's too personal to share. Not only that, as week progressed forward, my professional life as a researcher was faced with this difficult message: you have to start over again. The past 9 months of work... all gone. It's difficult enough to give something up for lent. It's even harder to give someone up for lent. It's most difficult to give my professional life up for lent.

On our second week of Lent, the first reading in our liturgy was the story of Abraham's sacrifice of Isaac. The reading starts off this way:

Some time afterward, God put Abraham to the test and said to him: Abraham! “Here I am!” he replied.  Then God said: Take your son Isaac, your only one, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah. There offer him up as a burnt offering on one of the heights that I will point out to you.

During the faith-sharing session (which I co-facilitate weekly), one of the participant ask this question: what was the most important thing in your life right now? Will you be able to give it back to God?

I answered in my heart: well, you already took my personal relationship, family, and my research away from me Lord. The only thing that's left is my voice. I love my voice since I can use it to sing Your praise, Lord. If that's taken away, that's the perfect storm.

Sure enough, about two days ago I have this bad sore throat. I took a day off Wednesday and half day Thursday due to the severe coughing I'm having. As of this morning, it's super hard for me to even talk with a full voice. Remember when someone say... "Be careful what you wish for?"

Anyway, here I am. Good Friday. Except that there is nothing good that I can see right now. There is nothing good that the apostles and anyone on earth can see that very same day 2000 years ago either. All is bleak. All is bad. All is doom.

But we all know... that the story does not end on Good Friday. The story goes on till Easter Sunday. Let us wait. Patiently. For the coming of our Lord, Jesus Christ. He has overcome. He is risen. He will come again.

Lastly, let me end with the suscipe prayer from that second week of lent that the faith-sharing booklet suggested which is composed by St. Ignatius of Loyola...

Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty,
my memory, my understanding
and my entire will,
All I have and call my own.

You have given all to me.
To you, Lord, I return it.

Everything is yours; do with it what you will.
Give me only your love and your grace.
That is enough for me.

Your love. Your grace. That's all that I need right now Lord.

Have a blessed Good Friday!

Life progressions

So one of my new year's resolution is to keep tabs of my prayer activity and it's been extremely fruitful. It has something to do with the feeling that I've actually had accomplished something in my spiritual life. It reminds of me of this quote from Toward God:

Prayer is our means of taking a sighting, of re-orienting ourselves - by re-establishing contact with our goal. In the presence of God many components of our life fall into perspective and our journey begins to make more sense. We look toward God, conscious that seeking what is unseen corresponds to a very deep stratum of our being. It is not just a bright idea or a fad; it grows from the soil of the heart. Prayer is inseparable from living. 

I feel that my thought process will be incomplete if I don't have St. Augustine's quote, so here it is,

Sing with your voices, and sing also with your conduct.

Six January 2012 and the 4 things

Six January has traditionally been a day when the church celebrates Epiphany. What is Epiphany? Epiphany in its origin means the manifestation of the Lord. What does it celebrate? It celebrates the revelation of God the Son as a human being in Jesus Christ.  Principally, it commemorates the coming of the magi to bring homage to the newborn Christ in Bethlehem, symbolizing that salvation will come not only to Israelites, but also to the whole world.

In a contrasting way: ten years ago, 6 January 2002, marks the beginning of Boston sex abuse cover-ups, with this news story from Boston Globe. As painful as it is for us, the Catholics who happens to live in the United States, it brings to light the sinfulness of a few (<2%) catholic priest where they use their power to abuse the powerless. We know how hurtful it is to have authoritative figures abuse and hide the scandals and trust us: we have done all that we can to prevent this to ever happen again. The structural change, the architectural change, the VIRTUS program, and other necessary tweak into the church has brought an awareness and accountability to our Catholic Church. This piece of reflection by Cardinal O'Malley of Boston shows just that.

On this twelfth days of Christmas as well, the pope appointed 22 new cardinals to the college of cardinals.  One to note is Cardinal-designate Tim Dolan. He has definitely been a favorite of mine, ever since he gave a talk at one of our institute back in Madison. His book, Priests for Third Millenium, is an excellent narration on what it means to be a catholic priest. The first section of this book (which has become another book: Called to be Holy), talks about what it means to be a good and well grounded catholic in all things. Listen to all these links: NYdailynews, address to NY Catholic center employee, Salt and Light TV interview, ND lecture on human dignity, NBC Today and one can see that he is a vibrant, good spirited, and articulate guy who happens to be the bishop of New York. He also has been the president of the United States Conference of the Catholic bishop, in a 2010 shocking win. What a joyful news to me personally and to the catholic church here in the US.

Lastly on this day, a sad news for the Archdiocese of Philadelphia. The blue ribbon commission strategic plan, after 1 year long effort, has published its report on the future state of catholic school in the archdiocese. What to do? It has to close or merge 4 high schools and 44 elementary schools. Closing one school approximately will put ~30 people out of work. Multiply that by ~45 and you'll get 1350 people being affected by it. Really painful and bleak outlook for this one particular diocese. Let us all pray for this diocese and especially for Archbishop Chaput (one of my favorite too!) so that they may be able to weather the storm in the city of the brotherly love.

That's the four things to note on this particular day.

Why bother writing about it? Four in the biblical sense symbolizes universality of the matter. Four things in this writing: the joyous epiphany, the sex abuse scandal, the elevation of Tim Dolan, and the school closing of Phily symbolizes the complex reality of the church here today. When one sees joy, the other sees sorrow, when one sees celebration, the other sees difficult time. In all things, these four things mark the hope and challenge we will face as the church here in the US. Let us hope that the Lord will be with us, in good times and bad, in sorrow and in joy, in sickness and in health. Hear us O Lord, the prayer of your bride here on earth!

What does Christmas mean to me?

Two years back, I had the privilege of seeing a newly born baby at day 2 of his debut here on earth. The sight of the couple, being a new parent, was an invaluable life lesson. It can't get any real than that: how to care for a soul? A vulnerable body, wrapped in a soul so precious to both his mom and dad.

That is what Christmas all about. As St. Augustine puts it, "without ceasing to be what He was, He became what He was not." The savior of the world, was born to us, in a lowly manger, wrapped in a swaddling cloth. Vulnerable.

In greater reality, this is what being a Christian is all about. We are called to be vulnerable beings. Believing that in the midst of all the uncertainty on our lives, He is the God who is with us. Emmanuel. Wonderful Counselor. Father Forever. Prince of Peace. And when it comes to the care of our soul, he gently says...

Can a mother forget her infant,

be without tenderness for the child of her womb?

Even should she forget,

I will never forget you.

      Isaiah 49:15

Fear of Forgetting

I recently watched A Moment to Remember, a 2004 Korean movie which tells the painful consequence of Alzheimer's disease. In the very beginning, the main actor opens up the story by saying, "When a memory is gone, so is the soul, they say."


It's a good reflective story for me to watch, in which I saw hints of this forgetfulness on my own life. One prime example is the fact that I forgot to bring my running pants to the gym this past week when I had already planned to run. twice. Twice I had to go back home, grab my shorts, and drive back to the gym to start my work out. It's a scary thought for me if I were to be consumed by Alzheimer's disease in my latter year. Why is it scary?


Because memory is of prime importance in my own life. When I TA, I tried my best to remember each students name, so that they know that they are not just a number: they are a person that is in the process of learning a material (and a way of thinking) that they'd use when they get out of college. When I do research, I'd have to use my memory to recall all the data that I need and tried to connect the dots so that I can see the bigger picture and not get lost in the details. When I pray, "Open my lips and my mouth shall declare Your praise." reminds me of Psalm 51, where David prays for forgiveness and for mercy from God after his sinful act of killing Uriah and taking Batsheba from him. Memory is in and of itself my identity, my way to connect with the mystery of life as I live it here at this moment. 


So yes: scary if I were to ever have to deal with a memory loss, a brain tumor, or Alzheimer's disease. I still even remembers that I wanted to get a CT scan of my own brain when I was in Singapore with my mom during her cancer treatment, but I chose not to. I figured that my brain hurts just because I was under a really stressful times at that point and it's just my fear eating away my very own self. 


Instead, I would love to mimic and follow the example of what Blessed John XXII did when he couldn't sleep: He'd say to himself, 

"Who's in charge: you or God? 

God! 

Then go back to sleep, Giovanni!"

Another excerpt...

Oh, the Humanity!

According to a literary anecdote, the author Nancy Mitford had asked Waugh how he could behave so abominably and yet still consider himself a practicing Catholic. “You have no idea,” Waugh replied, “how much nastier I would be if I was not a Catholic. Without supernatural aid I would hardly be a human being.” 

The New Criterion Reader 

For most of my life I have had a “glass is half empty” attitude. Always quick to see the negatives of any situation and, even less attractive, always quick to dwell on those negatives. In the last few years, though, my attitude has taken a definite turn into optimism and joy. It is nothing that I have done for myself. If that were the case, I’d have figured out how to be happier years ago. Like anyone else I get frustrated, overwhelmed, stressed-out. Yet under it all is my great joy and gratitude to God for bringing me so far. I do what I can to improve myself, but I look back at my life and see that it was God who nudged slowly toward peacefulness and contentment. I fail. Oh, how spectacularly I fail sometimes. Yet God always helps me pick myself up, dust myself off, and glide into joy again.

Davis, Julie (2011-04-15). Happy Catholic: Glimpses of God in Everyday Life (Kindle Locations 2450-2463). Servant Books. Kindle Edition.

Unbreakable

I'm 25 today! St. Andrew Kim Taegon, pray for us! He's my patron saint of the year, according to random saint generator that I generated on the eve of new year. He was martyred at the age of 25 and his feast day was yesterday. What a providence.

This is what I read yesterday that really inspires me:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

CS Lewis

Every time I read this I want to cry out, "No, don't!"

I'm not sure who I'm crying out to.

Perhaps it is to so many people I see today who think that having children would bring more problems than blessings.

Perhaps it is to people who won't even get a new dog or cat because that would desecrate the memory of their previous beloved pet.

Perhaps it is to the lonely people I know who have been hurt one too many times and so have given up on love.

I've learned through experience that being vulnerable is frightening thing. It can hurt. But it is better than being made of stone.

From Happy Catholic: glimpses of God in everyday life

This book is an easy to read devotion book. Highly recommended it! 

living/praying the rosary

We all are encouraged to pray the rosary and to meditate upon the mystery of the rosary, but has anyone ever done it in the span of a day?

What I meant is: should we not start our day and constantly keep the mysteries for a couple hours in the back of our mind then go through the decades throughout the day. For example:
8-10 AM: pray the beginning of the rosary and the first decade. Keep this first decade and chew on it for this next 2 hours.
10-noon: pray the next decade and again ruminate on this second mystery on the second set of this series. And so on and so forth.

I will try it out today and see how effective it will be to keeping my heart, mind, and soul pure.

On Prayer - Exhortations by St. Jean-Marie Vianney

OUR CATECHISM teaches us, my children, that prayer is an elevation, an application of our mind and of our heart to God, to make known to Him our wants and to ask for His assistance. We do not see the good God, my children, but He sees us, He hears us, He wills that we should raise towards Him what is most noble in us--our mind and our heart. When we pray with attention, with humility of mind and of heart, we quit the earth, we rise to Heaven, we penetrate into the Bosom of God, we go and converse with the angels and the saints. It was by prayer that the saints reached Heaven: and by prayer we too shall reach it. Yes, my children, prayer is the source of all graces, the mother of all virtues, the efficacious and universal way by which God wills that we should come to Him. He says to us: "Ask, and you shall receive. " None but God could make such promises and keep them. See, the good God does not say to us, "Ask such and such a thing, and I will grant it;" but He says in general: "If you ask the Father anything in My name, He will give it you. " O my children! ought not this promise to fill us with confidence, and to make us pray fervently all the days of our poor life? Ought we not to be ashamed of our idleness, of our indifference to prayer, when our Divine Saviour, the Dispenser of all graces, has given us such touching examples of it? For you know that the Gospel tells us He prayed often, I and even passed the night in prayer? Are we as just, as holy, as this Divine Saviour? Have we no graces to ask for? Let us enter into ourselves; let us consider. Do not the continual needs of our soul and of our body warn us to have recourse to Him who alone can supply them? How many enemies to vanquish--the devil, the world, and ourselves. How many bad habits to overcome, how many passions to subdue, how many sins to efface! In so frightful and painful a situation, what remains to us, my children? The armour of the saints: prayer, that necessary virtue, indispensable to good as well as to bad Christians...
   
Within the reach of the ignorant as well as the learned, enjoined to the simple and to the enlightened, it is the virtue of all mankind; it is the science of all the faithful! Everyone on the earth who has a heart, everyone who has the use of reason ought to love and pray to God; to have recourse to Him when He is irritated; to thank Him when He confers favours; to humble themselves when He strikes.
   
See, my children, we are poor people who have been taught to beg spiritually, and we do not beg. We are sick people, to whom a cure has been Promised, and we do not ask for it. The good God does not require of us fine prayers, but prayers which come from the bottom of our heart.
   
St. Ignatius was once travelling with several of his companions; they each carried on their shoulders a little bag, containing what was most necessary for them on the journey. A good Christian, seeing that they were fatigued, was interiorly excited to relieve them; he asked them as a favour to let him help them to carry their burdens. They yielded to his entreaties. When they had arrived at the inn, this man who had followed them, seeing that the Fathers knelt down at a little distance from each other to pray, knelt down also. When the Fathers rose again, they were astonished to see that this man had remained prostrate all the time they were praying: they expressed to him their surprise, and asked him what he had been doing. His answer edified them very much, for he said: "I did nothing but say, Those who pray so devoutly are saints: I am their beast of burden: O Lord! I have the intention of doing what they do: I say to Thee whatever they say. " These were afterwards his ordinary words, and he arrived by means of this at a sublime degree of prayer. Thus, my children, you see that there is no one who cannot pray--and pray at all times, and in all places; by night or by day; amid the most severe labours, or in repose; in the country, at home, in travelling. The good God is everywhere ready to hear your prayers, provided you address them to Him with faith and humility.

Typology of Pentecost

Typology in Christian theology: the interpretation of some characters and stories in the Old Testament as allegories foreshadowing the New Testament. 


There are a few rich and meaningful typology (and anti-typology) of today's solemnity of pentecost: 

• Pentecost is a term that the Hellenistic Jew gave for Shavuot, the festival of weeks (Exodus 34:22, 23:16 and Numbers 28:26). The 50th day marks the fulfillment of 7 weeks after the Passover celebration. Seven being the perfect number in association with God, multiplication being multipliers, and addition of 1 being the very next step of God's story. According to wikipedia: On Passover, the Jewish people were freed from their enslavement to Pharaoh; on Shavuot they were given the Torah and became a nation committed to serving God.
• In our Christian point of view: Easter commemorates the resurrection of Christ where He conquered death by death and raise up from it to free us from the pangs of death itself. Pentecost commemorates the giving of the Holy Spirit, where we as a Christian became a new being committed to serve Him and His Church. 
• The Pentecost occurred in the Upper room. The same Upper room where Jesus instituted the Eucharist, the same upper room where Jesus washes the feet of the disciples.
• Typologically, the location could not be coincidentally be the same. As Christ fed us with His body and blood, as Christ showed us how to serve others, so too Christ gave us His Spirit to send us forth as His hands and feet in this world in the same room. May we continually go back to that same room, which symbolizes the Church in its unity. 
• What happened? Everybody can listen the good news proclaimed in their mother tongue. It is the anti-typology of what occurred in Babel. As human try to make a name for themselves in Babel which resulted in language confusions, God make the apostles proclaimed the mighty works of God in different languages. 
• The Church begins this day at the Pentecost. As Israelites saw Moses brought down the 10 commandments brings the beginning of a new era in Jewish history, so does Pentecost. As the 12 apostles received the Holy Spirit, Christianity burst into this world with its unique attributes: One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic. One with the Triune God along with the prayers of Mary who gathers in that upper room with the Apostles. Holy, due to us being His and not due to our own sanctity. Catholic (universal), with their proclamation of the might works of God in different languages of its own. Finally, Apostolic, where Peter gets up and proclaims the good news, we will gather and listen to its message. Happy birthday, Church!

On the Eucharist

Some reflection on the Eucharist...

I read about a week ago on  this popular analogy between sleep and death. In a sentence: sleep is analogous to our mini-death, where we hit our reset button until we go onwards to the next day.

As I went to mass this morning, I was reminded by this scripture passage on 1st Corinthians 11,

For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the death of the Lord until he comes. Therefore whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord unworthily will have to answer for the body and blood of the Lord. A person should examine himself, and so eat the bread and drink the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body, eats and drinks judgment on himself.

Isn't it true that as we go to mass and prepare to meet with our Lord, there is an analogy between receiving the Lord and the Final Judgment? The same way as we deemed ourselves worthy to receive Him as we go up to receive Him in the Eucharist after our own examination of conscience, the Lord will judge us in the final hour of our lives, whether we are deemed worthy to come into His final banquet where he has prepared for us a place eternally.

Summer reflection

As I went to mass at 7 AM this past Sunday, I suddenly realized on how much I appreciate the mass more that day. Is it because I was not in the anxiety-ridden mode where it seems that the world would collapse if I don't spend another hour to study? Maybe. It may just be because it's the day that the Lord has made, the day when finally that oasis of reassurance flow back up again.

Reflecting back, I didn't know what was it that drove me to my limit last semester. My grade were not the best for sure, but I am still considered to be pass-able for my qualifying exam this upcoming August. My research went as planned. My TA experience has proven to be the highlight of my semester with me learning and also passing the baton of knowledge that builds up the core of my research into the students.

But after all, I can only be rest assured by this saying:

"Trust the past to God’s mercy, the present to God’s love, and the future to God’s providence" St. Augustine